Thursday, November 25, 2010

Grateful


As many of you know I am "waiting" for a missionary. IT has been weird going back and looking at pictures of Jordan. It's hard to remember actually being with him, not just looking at pictures. It's hard to remember the way it felt when he held me and made me feel better.
I remember after working at Badger Creek and after the three weeks I spent at home with no contact with these 21 new best friends. I remember seeing one of them for the first time and saying "It Was real". I imagine the day that I see Jordan and hear his voice I will be flooded with similar, yet much more powerful emotions. But now, for 6 more months I am stuck in limbo trying to remember how we felt and imagine what the future will hold. As much as I still love Jordan and hope everything works out, I cannot deny the worry. That tiny voice of doubt I hear each time I look to the future or hear of others couples that didn't work out. Will he still love me? Will I be the person he wants to spend eternity with? Will he continue to hold the undeniable love that I have for all that he is?
I would like to think that things will go as I have wished and hoped for for the past year and a half. yet, no matter what happens i am grateful to have been a part of Jordan's life, to see what a truly great man is made of. I am grateful tor the growth and learning that I have and the person he has inspired me to be.
It has been an interesting experience being made whole by one person in such a short amount of time. Now that he is away, it feels like part of me is away, the part I liked the most, like I am holding my breath in anticipation. the pain is real, yet bearable, knowing that in just 6 months time I will be able to breathe it all out and take that much needed deep breath.

1 comment:

  1. Melissa, thank you for sharing this. It's just amazing and inspiring. I am so proud of you for making it a year and a half now. I can't imagine how hard it'd be especially when everyone's getting married now a days BUT seeing him again in 6 months will make it ALL worth it! Love you friend, keep working on wonderful!!!

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