Grateful

As many of you know I am "waiting" for a missionary. IT has been weird going back and looking at pictures of Jordan. It's hard to remember actually being with him, not just looking at pictures. It's hard to remember the way it felt when he held me and made me feel better.
I remember after working at Badger Creek and after the three weeks I spent at home with no contact with these 21 new best friends. I remember seeing one of them for the first time and saying "It Was real". I imagine the day that I see Jordan and hear his voice I will be flooded with similar, yet much more powerful emotions. But now, for 6 more months I am stuck in limbo trying to remember how we felt and imagine what the future will hold. As much as I still love Jordan and hope everything works out, I cannot deny the worry. That tiny voice of doubt I hear each time I look to the future or hear of others couples that didn't work out. Will he still love me? Will I be the person he wants to spend eternity with? Will he continue to hold the undeniable love that I have for all that he is?
I would like to think that things will go as I have wished and hoped for for the past year and a half. yet, no matter what happens i am grateful to have been a part of Jordan's life, to see what a truly great man is made of. I am grateful tor the growth and learning that I have and the person he has inspired me to be.
It has been an interesting experience being made whole by one person in such a short amount of time. Now that he is away, it feels like part of me is away, the part I liked the most, like I am holding my breath in anticipation. the pain is real, yet bearable, knowing that in just 6 months time I will be able to breathe it all out and take that much needed deep breath.

Thankful: A great life!

I am home for thanksgiving and I have been able to go through old pictures on our computer. Not to make anyone jealous, but I had the best high school experience ever!
It was all because of my amazing friends and crazy family!

My family and I going on an adventure through Zion's National Park!

My favorite Brother!!

Getting it arrested! :)

April and I at Danielle's wedding

Brother-in-law Mike and Jake!

TERONDA

Sleep

Tackling skylar for the frisbee

Skylar racing

Ashley and I... We may be standing on a toilet..

Me and Skylar racing... He won dangit!

Best friends

Minnie minyoung

Yes.. we are swimming in the back of trucks.. during school

My best friend Jourdan

obsession..

If you know me at all you know that I love rock climbing. My best friend in high school, Weston (who gets off his mission Dec. 8), would always invite me to go but I was afraid of heights and honestly, did not want to look stupid. After he kept bugging me to go over and over, I finally gave in and went. I was so scared while I was on the wall. I did not trust the rope to hold me, I didn't trust my belayer, and I did not trust myself. Weston was so good and kept encouraging me to keep going just a little further. When my feet were safely back on the ground, I realized that I loved it and I wanted to get back up and do it again.
Slowly but surely I began to trust the equipment and my belayer. It is an amazing feeling to put your life in someone else's hands. i began to go a lot. I eventually got my own rock climbing gear, although I didn't use it much at first. I was really big into bouldering since you didn't go very high off the ground and fell onto a nice squishy pad.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college here at BYU-I. I didn't know anyone going to school, but wanted to continue rock climbing... So at the first stake activity I found some people who climbed and went with them. Rock climbing has introduced me to so many amazing people. It has become somewhat of an obsession for me while I am at school. There is nothing like being scared (legitimately, not like scary spider scared, but like I am going to die scared) and having to push that to the back of your mind and regain control over your body, and push yourself to make the next move. I am so grateful to Weston for forcing me to go with him all those years ago, and to every person who is willing to go with me, or even talk about rock climbing. I do have something embarrassing to admit... whenever I go climbing, think about climbing, or watch climbing, my hands start to sweat uncontrollably. It is a problem but don't judge:)